discipline

DISCIPLINE.....right now I very much despise this word!
      I am not a disciplined person in any context of the word. I am not disciplined to exercise, eat right, clean, do laundry, spend time with my family, or spend time with God. I would rather sit and read or watch a movie or knit. I'd rather go and hang out with a friend or go shopping. I'd rather sleep. I would rather do whatever I want to do, instead of what I should do.

     Being disciplined means doing something that is hard, something that you are not used to doing. It means change. It means falling and failing a few times. It means messing up. Maybe that's part of my problem. Deep down I am a perfectionist and I think that if I don't do it right the first time, then why keep trying? I also think that even though I don't like where I am (being not disciplined) I lie to myself and say, "I do like it here. It's comfortable, it's what I know. It's familiar." But that's a lie! It's not comfortable. I hate the way I feel when I walk into the kitchen and see a big pile of dirty dishes. I feel terrible when I yell at the kids and feel so rushed in the mornings, only to realize I didn't even say good morning to God, let alone spent some time in His word.

     As much as I despise the word discipline, I don't want to. I want to love the word and every aspect of it. I want to love the challenge of it and I want to desire to be disciplined in every area of my life. There is no way I can do this except with God's help. I have the verse Hebrews 12:11 written on a note card posted to my kitchen cupboard. Some days are easier than others to look at the verse and claim it and desire it, but God is working on me!